The hardest thing....

The hardest thing about living overseas is the good-byes. You start out saying what you think are the hardest good-byes to your family and friends at “home” then you move to somewhere new and foreign and you make connections with people that you most likely would have never met and you know in the back of your head that you will have to say good-bye to them at some point, but you’ve made a new “home” so you don’t think about it.

Then that time comes, where one of you is leaving…and it’s time for more good-byes. The toughest part about these good-byes though is the fact that you don’t know when or if you will ever seen these people again. When I left home I knew that my family and my friends would all be there waiting when I got home, for the most part in pretty much the same place that I left them. However, when you say good-bye to people overseas, native or foreign you don’t know if you will ever lay eyes on them again. I mean sure you say that you will stay connected through Skype, Facebook and email but we all know how that goes, people get busy they get back into the “new” swing and routine of life and pretty soon all you are to each other is a memory of good times in a foreign land.

Don’t get me wrong I know that change is inevitable and I know that I would much rather have met these people and have had them impact my life than to have never known them, but watching them put their suitcases in the car as they head to the airport breaks a piece of something inside of you. I’ve always said that my heart is with the people I love so I guess it’s fitting that it feels like parts of me are broken because my heart now has more area to cover.

I’ve met a handful of people here in Korea that I can’t imagine the last year without. My Korean other halfs, Lina and Emily, saw me through home sickness, death and drama from home, translated and humored my obliviousness and loved me anyways. I don’t know if I could have made it through without the two of them. I reconnected with Stacy, a friend from the states that it took 10 years and Korea to bring us back together and remind me that some friendships truly know no time or distance. I met Allen and didn’t see what he would bring into my life coming. He was a truly unique and safe place for me in this country, a piece of home that I didn’t expect but that I will always be grateful for. My kids changed my life, some more than others and I expected that.

Now, I find myself 14 months later starting to say my good-byes and knowing that no matter where in the world I go or they go I will always be grateful for the impact, influence and love that these people have had on my life. No matter where I go next I’ll take a piece of them with me, just like they now have a piece of me with them.

Abrupt Changes

Well to say the last two weeks have been a roller coaster is a bit of an understatement. A week and a half ago my boss showed up, after being MIA for a week and said “Last day. Today. School’s closed.” Needless to say, it wasn’t a complete shock because we haven’t had the number needed to make money, but we were all expecting more notice than, TODAY.

I packed and moved out of my apartment the next day, since he hadn’t been paying my rent. All while being on crutches after a stupid klutz accident while walking.

Luckily, I have been blessed by some great friends in this country. I’ve had 3 amazing Korean co-teachers that have literally made every day in Korea easier, more fun, and overall more enjoyable. My new foreign teacher, who had only been here a whole 3 weeks helped pack and move all of my crap. Along with 2 AMAZING American friends, Stacy has been a friend for 10 years and luckily is close enough that I could move all of my stuff into her house for the time being while I figure things out and Allen, who was out of town when all of this happened so I just kinda moved in to his place for the last 2 weeks.

I’ve been reminded that you have two options, you can crumble under pressure or you can rise about your own expectations and keep going forward.

I’ll be the first to admit that I had a couple of hard core, pity party days, followed by a couple days of seriously scared day about “what the hell’s next….” but now I’ve reached the “BRING IT ON” phase.

I know that I am capable of anything. I know I’m stronger than even I sometimes give myself credit for. I’m 26 years old, living alone on the other side of the world. I can do this….

So as to what’s next….?? I’m not sure. I’ve got a couple of possibilities that I should know more about next week, but I know that no matter what comes at me I can do this.

Why are you so adventerous?

Someone asked me why I am such an adventurous person and the question caught me off guard because I don’t consider myself to be an adventurous person. Then I started thinking about it. I’m a 26 year old, divorced female living alone in a foreign country. I’ve spent the last year living on the other side of the world and I don’t plan to change that anytime soon. I’ve been in South Korea for almost a year to the day and have just extended my contract for an additional five months before going to the states for a quick visit and eventually heading to the Middle East. Kuwait to be exact where I have accepted a teaching position at eh American Academy for Girls.

So I guess there is so adventure in me…so to answer the question “why are you such an adventurous person?” I guess in lot of ways it’s a very basic answer. I am who I am because of the people that made, raise and continue to love me. Don’t get me wrong I will e the first person to tell you that family is not just biological but at the core of everyone, good or bad, I believe, is their parents or lack thereof. I’ve been blessed by a mother and father who have loved, supported and encouraged me to live bigger and dream bigger than I ever thought possible. They haven’t always understood or thought something was the best idea but at the end of the day they always been two of my biggest cheerleaders.

They raised me, not to be fearless, but to do it anyways, even when I was scared. When I decided to move to Korea I think everyone thought I was nuts, including my parents, but they quickly got on board and I think they realized part of it was a post-divorce melt down of me searching for a place to belong and a way to find myself again. A few days before I left the states I remember my dad saying “If you can make it through the first year, I don’t think you’ll come home.” I didn’t understand at the time, but he was right. The night before I left my mom held my hair while I puked and cried through one of many panic attacks and reminded me that “You chose this.” She was right too…it was all up to me. I had decided, jumped through all the hoops and at the end of the day I would be the one I had to answer to and depend on a world away. So I got on a plane.

I packed my world into two suitcases, cried my way to the airport, stood in line at security with my parents on each side of me, hugged them one last time and walked through. I knew that they were scared and worried and nervous but under it all I knew that they believed in me so what choice did I have but to believe in myself.

I’ve been blessed over the last year to be reminded of the connections and friendships that know no boundaries or distance and to reconnect with friends that I had lost touch with. I’ve also made some amazing friends and memories here in Korea that I will take with me when I leave. I’ve been blessed to be a person that loves big and loves often and that isn’t afraid to let people in, even though sometimes people are afraid to let me in. I’ve also been blessed by the fact that I always find my comfort and my balance though some may think of me as unbalanced. I know at the root of everything I am as blessed, strong and adventurous as I am because of the people who cheer me on.

Thank you!